CORTEZ CORTEZ; WHAT A KILLER

All I have to say is that I am giddy with anticipation for the return of Marv Levy to the Buffalo Bills organization.  Maybe we'll get Jim Haslett as our O-Coordinator too.  Oh yeah, Doug Flutie is the most amazing person in the world and I'm happy I still have a box of Flutie Flakes from back in the day. 

Lets hope the '06 Bills can also be the '07 Bills (if you catch my playoff hope drift)

Long time no see

Step into the blistering cold
Darkness makes for no roses at all
proven to be kind
but kindness can kill
{no more lucky breaks
its time for a broken heart}
no ones seen someone break so far a  p     a  r  t

Like a wolf in the night I howl at the moon
{Like a cat on the prowl
I stalk my prey.  }
But in all this ice
my cold heart is warmed by even the slighest touch
pouring out into the cold ebyss before me
like pavlovs dog pavlov had problems
{Picasso was a communist; and neither am i}

Ernest in the way I feel
I feel like my life is hemmingway
Fitzgeralded for now
but I'll Picasso Hemmingway
soothe right away
This aching heart is drowning in self pity
fear of loathing
blue is black burned
I guess you never knew what you had found, dear boy. 

So the last few weeks have been crazy, as usual. We'll start from last sunday, the Bills lost that game, and that bummed me out for about a half of a week, but then things started to pick up, day to day.

What did I do during those days? Who remembers, who knows?


Saturday of this week was interesting, to say the least. Instead of going to the corn maize, katelyn and I decided to hang out at Britts and for the longest time, it didn't seem like a bad idea.

Are you serious? A night without the most abhorrent drama known to man? never.

Now, I only know what I've seen and what I've heard about this all, and I cannot say whether or not if its completely true or not, but like I said, this is how i saw it and interpereted the situation.

OK. So Rob, Turner and Brandon come back from this other party, and Brandon is all fired up because some crumb at the party was talking about Jessica in the wrong sort of manner, and luckily Rob saved this kid, because as i hear it, Brandon was about to fuck him up. Some how, Rob was all fired up about this John kid who kissed Brittany, and he should be. I'd want to kill anyone who does that to my girlfriend. Now this is where it gets weird. Adrienne claims that Rob pushed Britt into the wall, though I was not at the angle where i could see it happen, so I am not saying whether or not it actually happened. I mean, who can totally believe her? I know i can't.

So Katelyn and I go home, and about an hour later I get a call from Katelyn and shes crying. Apparently she had called Bridget (britts twin sister) and told her what was going on, which I understand, because Britt was balling her eyes out and making a complete scene. But what I don't understand is this: A call from Rob to Katelyn telling her that shes done, and that hes going to fuck her up. I call rob to figure this out, and he then tells me that I'm going to get fucked up (which has yet to happen)

Now, I don't know if it was just him being drunk, or just in a violent mood, but what the fuck?

I mean I understand that he might have been pissed that Kate called Bridget and Bridget and her parents showed up to see what was going on, but come on man, grow up and realize that kate was just worried about one of her best friends.

Whatever.

Fools rush in.

It's too dark
to put the keys
in my ignition,
And the mornin' sun is yet
to climb my hood ornament.
But before too long I might
see those flashing red lights
Look out, mama,
'cause I'm comin' home tonight.

Think I'll
roll another number
for the road,
I feel able to get under any load.
Though my feet
aren't on the ground,
I been standin' on the sound
Of some open-hearted people
goin' down.

I'm not goin' back
to Woodstock for a while,
Though I long to hear
that lonesome hippie smile.
I'm a million miles away
from that helicopter day
No, I don't believe
I'll be goin' back that way.

Think I'll
roll another number
for the road,
I feel able to get under any load.
Though my feet
aren't on the ground,
I been standin' on the sound
Of some open-hearted people
goin' down.



I wish i could go to my cabin tonight

So today is all about a pass offense. The Buffalo Bills are currently preparing for todays game at the Ralph against one of (supposedly) the best teams in the NFL, the Atlanta Falcons. As most of you know, the quarterback for the Falcons is one of those cocky bastards who thinks that by rushing for 80 yards a game is a good thing. But what most people don't realize about todays game is that we are going up against the team that led the league in sacks in the 2004 season. As we know, Mr. Losman doesn't play so well under pressure (as exemplified in last weeks game against Tampa) and now we're just playing an even better team.

The winner of todays game will be the team with the best offensive line and the better (faster) DB's and LB's.

Luckily, we have the faster better Linebackers in Takeo Spikes, London Fletcher, and Jeff Posey. But how does our O-Line match up against theirs? Well, I did some research. In the past 5 games, including last season, the Buffalo Bills Offensive line has allowed 9 sacks. Now I know that seems like a lot, but mind you that Bledsoe got hit a lot, but look at this: in the past 5 games, the Atlanta Falcons O-Line have allowed 17 total sacks.

In the past 5, bills have achieved 14 sacks, while the falcons beat them out but by only 2 sacks.

Now a matchup between the next most important aspect of todays game, the Quarterbacks.

This season Micheal Vick (yes he is actually their QB, not HB) has a 73.4% rating, but look at this pass attempts v. his completions: he is 23 for 42. JP is unfortunately slightly worse. Having thrown for 28 for 56, giving him a 70.8% rating, but I believe that soon he will catch up in this offense, and theres no better day to prove yourself a worth while QB than against one of the most overrated and hyped QBs in the league.

Interceptions might become a big factor in this game, as both QBs have been pretty good on that, JP with 0 this year, and Vick with but 1.



I give Buffalo a 3 point advantage.

Well, I'm joining Picture This, Dan Ericksons band, so long as the audition pans out well, which I know it will because we're already getting along and the material is incredably easy, and I really want to be in a band bad.

Its been so long since I've rocked out on stage and I think that it'd be the most fun ever to do it again. The rush, the music, the accomplishment of a stage performance. best feeling ever and I miss it.

They're playing their last show with the old drummer on Sept. 30th at the Buffalo ICON with Punchline, Sleepaway and others, go check it out.


Rock and Roll

So whats up with me? I'm not sure. I can tell you this: I really enjoy David Bowie weeks. This has been a David Bowie week.

But anyways. School is relatively dull, which I suppose is good news. No news is good news.

Randomly Dan Erikson called me and wants me to tryout for his band. weird. But so was Joe Martin calling me randomly about 4 years ago so whatever.

I'm hoping to do something musical soon though, so that my be a way back into everything.

I've missed live shows so much in the past few months.

questions

Where did BrandNew go?

This is an exceptional question, simply because they are (were) an exceptional band; one of my favourites. Alas, I have no idea where they are or what they are planning on doing. Anyone know?

Why do friends feel the need to stab their boys in the back over girls?

I have no idea, and the worst part is that I've lost contact with all my friends that I knew wouldn't do this to me, with the exception of Brandon Clark. I know for a fact that a number of my "friends" have some sort of feelings for the girl that I've been dating for over a year and a half. Grow up and move on kids, she wouldn't date you even if she wasn't IN LOVE with me.

Where the hell is Joey Milo and why isn't he one of my bros anymore?

I haven't the slightest clue actually. I miss him more than most anyone that I attended high school with, and I don't see why we don't get in touch, but we don't. He was definately one of the boys that wouldn't even think of thinking of my girl. He was a stand up dude, a real brother type guy, and its bullshit that we all can't be exactly like him.





Is that what you call a getaway? Tell me what you got away with cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish, I've seen more guts in 11 year old kids, have another drink and drive youself home I hope there's ice on all the roads. And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt, and again when your head goes through the windshield. And is that what you call tact? You're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back. So let's end this call, and end this conversation. and is that what you call a getaway? well tell me what you got away with. cause you left the frays from the ties you severed when you say best friends means friends forever.

{brandnew}

So everything for college is almost set, which is definately exciting because now I get to start being smart again. Plus I decided that I'm pretty much a really good Quarterback so I'm going to do stereroids and get big and buff like mark macquire and play QB for ECC then UB then the Bills. Yeah, thats a good plan.

Nah I'll stay skinny and look like a rock star and do other drugs that wont make my penis shrivel up.

So I've gotten back into the cure. a lot.

"The Same Deep Water As You"

kiss me goodbye pushing out before i sleep
can't you see i try swimming the same deep
water as you is hard "the shallow drowned lose
less than we" you breathe the strangest twist
upon your lips "and we shall be together..."

"kiss me goodbye bow your head and join with
me" and face pushed deep rteflections meet
the strangest twist upon your lips and
dissapear the ripples clear and laughing break
against your feet and laughing break the mirror
sweet "so we shall be together..."

"kiss me goodbye" pushing out before i sleep
it's lower now and slower now the strangest
twist upon your lips but i don't see and i dont
feel but tightly hold up silently my hands
before my fading eyes and in my eyes your
smile the very last thing before i go...

i will kiss you i will kiss you i will kiss you
forever on nights like this i will kiss you i will
kiss you and we shall be together...

Robert Smith of the Cure

(who is far better than Morrissey of the Smiths)

Oh and if you like Radiohead and you don't do coke then you don't REALLY like Radiohead.

So works been good.

i have no friends.

super duper life sucks


and you wonder why i love drugs and booze?

So I'm getting really sick of not having anything to do on the weekends when I work all week and get to do absolutely nothing at all ever. But whatever. Next weekend should be better, because Katelyn and I are going to Totonto, and so hopefully that'll a good time. I'm sure it will be actually.

Works not too bad though, all things considered. My debt is pretty well in order, and soon I'll be out of the red, which is a good thing. I'm planning on revamping my cymbal setup, and haven't quite decided what I'll be going with, but I've been considering Mienl or Paiste Dark Energy.

I'd like something a bit more vintage than I'm used to, but more of a high end vintage, whereas my 60s era A-Series just kind of have a vintage sound. Not that they aren't awesome cymbals, but they are old, and I'd like to keep them old, rather than garbage.

Also, I'd like to move out soon. But thats another story. I think some good money spendage is in order before I do that.

So what does that mean?

1. Fix up the premiers and new cymbals
2. Clothes. I'm dying for new clothes.
3. A new dog for Katelyn
4. Laptop
5. A new, second drumset. I'm thinking a nice little gretsch rig, you know, one of the jazzy bebop kits. They're cheap and pretty, plus the snare they come with actually sounds pretty good, so i wouldn't have to upgrade that. But we'll see.
6. New car (maybe, maybe not, depending on how many of the above things go through
7. Move out.

my 7 point plan.

pathetic

my walkie talkie man







hes fat and he don't run too fast

WAR IS PEACE

War becomes peaceful when it is over such things other than tangible items (land, money, etc..), and becomes ongoing to the point where the average citizen can lead his or her day to day life without thought of the war. In essance, the war, in itself, has become useless and neverending, always over something that will not change. Due to the continuous nature of war, it has ceased to be dangerous, never threatening more than lives of the soldiers, whereas the boundries of the rivaling nations remain unthreatened.

The war has become like the battles between two rams, while their horns appear to be dangerous, they are set at such an angle that they are incapable of hurting eachother.

Paraphrased and summerized from 1984.

So the past week I have been working the third shift at Wilson Greatbatch, and it isn't too horrible. I mean, I'm still getting used to the hours and all, but other than that everything is going very smoothly. It's pretty incredable the massive operation that goes on there and it is all very interesting, even though that in a day I see about 1/1000th of what actually takes place day to day.

But I really can't wait to get paid. Ugh I need money so bad.

But anyways, its 7:13 am and I really should be getting to bed.

Here are a few thoughts I've stewed upon during my long midnight hours:

> Fear not technology, for as long as man can cheat and alter the rules, he will always have the edge over machine.

> When driving amongst on-coming traffic on a crowded side street, the car on the right hand side should yeild.

> Was Alanis Morrisett merely being ironic by putting all those unironic situations in a song entitled "Isn't it Ironic?", or is she just retarded?

> When a man tells me that he can speak ten different languages fluently, that tells me he can fluently express one thought ten times. To that I humbly admit that I only know one language, but ten ideas fluently.

> "FUCK IT, THANK-YOU, I LOVE YOU ALL!"
-Thomas

Goodnight.

this song is for anyone...

fuck it.

shut up and listen.

So like, I realize now that I'm destined to always miss the past.  But just a little bit more than most people.  I think that that is what I have such a passion for history and not even just history that you learn in fucking history books, but the history of everything.  Anything with a history, I fall in love with in one what or another.  History creates a certain nostalgia that I cannot refuse, unfortunately, not being able to be a part of that history really bums me out sometimes.  Like, I totally wish that I could live in like the 60s whenever I watch the Wonder Years. 

I know I'm crazy, but like its the way I am. 

Its so much deeper than I can even explain or describe.  But I suppose that its the idealist in me, and we always portray times in history as being great.  I mean, think about it.  "The Greatest Generation" is synonomus with World War Two.  We describe the 1950s as a nice place with warm apple pies and what have you.  Why wouldn't anyone want to experience that?  The 1960s were a time of change and free love.  The 70s were rebellious but fun.  A time we remember (our parents remember) as a time they fucked around and went to the beach or to parties or whatever.  They remember it as a great time, therefore I am forced to think of it as a great time. 

Well, the 1980s produced the terminator movies, so I love the 80s. 

Rock and Roll is dying it seems.  When I wake up and can't get away from this trashy hip hop being shit out by a bunch of fucking asshole niggers I know rock and roll is dying. 

No lie, some hip hop is excellent.  I'll be the first to admit this, but some just fucking blows more than anything ever. 

Okay so tonight is going to be fun, hopefully. Sausage Fest 2005, which will be weird without us playing it, because we no longer exist. And I really hope they don't do something stupid like try to play because it would just be pathetic.

Either way, I'm going to have a good time.

So lets see, the past few nights have been typical to say the least. The Jamboree shirt is coming along nicely, which is always good.

Work starts in a few days, and then I will become nocturnal. 10:30 pm - 6:45 am. Weird as hell.

Brandon and I had a really good conversation about everything yesterday.

Pick it up, pick it up, pick it oooooohhhh

So this is what it has all come down to.  I'm probably just being overdramatic about this situation, but who the fuck gives a shit, you're not going to read this in its entirety anyways. 

I think I'm giving up music.  I just don't get anything out of playing anymore.  I wish only for people to recognize the talent I do have, which is impossible in this era because I'm not about to play the same old bullshit that everyone wants me to play, therefore no one is going to even hear me.   Unforunately, I can't find anyone to play with anymore either, and the people I do find to play with don't want to compromise on what to play. 

I hate this feeling that I'm feeling right now.  Its like I've lost everything decent in my life only I really haven't.  Is it because there never was anything decent or the fact that I just have to high of expectations?

Don't even bother answering that please, your answer won't change anything. 

I remember when playing music was my dream, and in reality, it still is.  But sometimes you just have to let something go, especially whent hat thing isn't going to happen. 

Its just rock music. 

So like the last week or so has been one big drunken mesh of events. And it doesn't seem like its going to stop, but I took a break today and just chilled out with katelyn, which was awesome because we haven't done that in like a month.

Ahhh...



the search is on homie

Okay so this is bullshit. I hate people who can't stand up for their friends/something they believe in. whats the point of believeing in something if you wont defend it?

all you neutral kids out there, just remember this. Switzerland was neutral, but still had Hitlers cock in their mouth.

whats worse than being a nazi is sucking one off.